the Canadian British War
by thundernator
Summary: this is story is based off of real events. I couldn't find the real life section, so I put it here. You can find out why in the story
1. Chapter 1

**The Canadian Independence **

**Author's notice: This is a fictional story about real stuff that actually happened. It didn't happen, but it did. **

Many people may not know this but 1961 was the year when Canada became its own country. At the start it was ruled by the Eskimos because it's cold as shit in the early days. But everything changed when the British attacked. The Eskimos fought valiantly, but they couldn't match the British's better guns and bombs. Because they were too stupid to invent guns and nukes.

The British nuked all of Canada over six million years ago, making Canada warmer which killed **almost **all of the Eskimos. But some survived and went undercover, plotting their revenge. The British than took over Canada and ruled over the native Canadians with an iron fist. For over six million years everything sucked in Canada. But things got better in World War 2

In World War 2, Britian forced all of Canada to attack Germany. Their mission was to kill all the Nazis in the world. Commander Shepard (He is native Canadian) led the mission.

"You'll never get away from me," yelled Shepard to Hitler as he shot him them his machine gun.

"Never!" Hitler shouted as he absorbed the bullets for energy. Suddenly, Shepard realized that Hitler was an Eskimo, but he was an evil Eskimo, not a good Eskimo.

"You are an Eskimo. But I thought them were all dead." Shepard said surprised.

"Yes. But some lived." Hitler shoot Shepard, put the bullet only went through his skull so it didn't kill him.

"Eskimo or not. You still did bad things so must die." Shepard began charging his laser gun.

"Wait. I have something to tell you. How to defeat the british!" Shepard stopped charging his laser gun. "The only to stop the british is by throwing rocks really hard at them."

"Okay. But I still have to kill you." Shepard charged up his laser gun. But something bad happened. "What did you do to my laser gun?"

"Ha ha ha. I rewired it to explode." Suddenly Hitler and Shepard were both sent to the future in the year 2183.

When world war 11 ended, Canada secretly learned that the Nazis were using ancient Eskimo technology which they stole from the Eskimos. The native Canadians than found the Eskimos and learned about the plan. The plan to overthrow the british that was years in the making. Here is that plan.

For thousands of years the Eskimos were exposing all of the native Canadians to small amounts of radiation in their food to make them better and immune to nukes. They also knew how to defeat the british, but knew it must be done in 1961 when all the planets align and shit.

In 1961, that plan happened. The native Canadians and the Eskimos killed every single british person on Canada at once using their super strength. The british back at UK got scared and nuke all of Canada.

But it only made the natives stronger. They all picked up rocks and sticks and threw them really hard across the ocean and towards the UK destroying all of China.

The british surrendered soon after fearing for their lives.

"Please, I beg you. Please have mercy on all of us British people," said King England.

"I will, but only if you promise Canada will become its own country," demanded President Abraham Lincoln Obama AKA Wolverine.

"Yes. Canada will become its own country." And Canada became its own country and the Eskimos once again ruled over Canada. When designing the flag, the maple was originally going to be a middle finger, but the Canadians made it into a leaf. Because they were now nice.

Canada is now one of the best countries in the world next to North Korea, Antarctica, Africa, the ocean and Californa.

The end.

Author's notice: I couldn't find a catergory for real life so I put it in the Mass effect. WHY? Because Mark Meer is Canadian. Therefore Commander Shepard is Canadian. Therefore the Canadian independence is in the Mass effect.


	2. Return of the nazis

Hitler crash landed on the citadel at over six billion miles per second. "Zhit," swore Hitler in German. (I don't know what shit is in German.) He had left a crater the size of Antarctica. But everyone was okay because Hitler landed on a pillow. Hitler looked up and saw...**ALIENS FROM OUTER SPACE! **

"Whatz iz thiz," swore out Hitler. It was more horrifying than he could ever imagine. They didn't even look like humans and that meant Hitler hated them. Expect the Asari and Quarians because Tits.

He was so scared that he ran off crying back home. Suddenly, at home, Hitler was on the internet. at /Adolph_

"Thiz Alienz muzt die for the good of the nazi raze#Zwag# Adolph Hitler." Hitler typed unto his Facebook.

2 weeks later,

_".Feros was blown up a group called the Nazis with laser guns and rocks. This is clearly an act of terrorism and all civilians are ordered to kill anyone german or with a mustache." The asari news person held up a picture of a german with a moustache._

There were no more mustache people in the galaxy, but still over six quadrillion Nazis in the universe.

Inside the council chambers

"What do we do about the Nazis." Asked Spartan.

"We'll send Shepard, after Hitler." Replied Tivo.

"Okey Dokey." Replied Van.

They all emailed Shepard to stop Hitler from destroying the universe.

Yo Shep, Can U KIL ALL THE NAZIS IN THE UNIVERSE, PLS, THNKS U. LOL. That is what the Tivo had written to Shepard.

On the Normandy

Shepard was in bed with everyone on the ship after banging everyone all at once. Because he is that good at Tennis (It is sex joke that I heard, but I don't get it.) Than I got a text message on his phone.

"What is it?" Moaned Tali Dat'ass. She was naked, but dead and completly fine. Shepard's dick could cure cancer, so it boosted Tali's immune system.

"The Council asked me to kill all the Nazis in the universe." Shepard replied as he got out of bed. But he was dragged backed by Ass and Lara.

"Thirty more seconds," begged Lara

"Please," asked Ass.

"Yeah, Last night was amazing," exclaimed Garrus.

"Yup." Said Kaiden.

"Couldn't have put it better myself." Said Wrex.

"I'm sorry guys, but I have to stop the Nazis." Everyone got dressed expect Shepard. Earlier he had Eskimo DNA injected into his bloodstream. It had made his cells solar powered, but only when he was naked.

"But Shepard, How are we going to stop the Nazis." Asked Garrus.

"There is so many of them," finished Kaiden.

Shepard thought bout it deeply. "HMM. I know we'll use my time machine." And they all got inside the time machine to recruit people across time and space.

meanwhile, at Saren's secret moon base

"lord Savouring. May we please kill hitler. I fear he will become a problem soon,"explained saren the renegade british butler turban

Just then Hitler.

"wait. I zan help you defeat the zounzil. But you muzt lizten to me firzt."

"What is it. Neibourreeno."

"I will give u anzient nazi and ezkimo tezhnology. Az long az u provide us with an unlimited amount of human, azzari and quarian zex zlavez."

"Okay." Said saren

"and make your they are nazis." And saren, and savoruing and hitler and beanie went of capture sex slaves and destroy the universe.

Ch 2 the massive effect of backing into the future

preview

just than the t-1000 Raped the sky.


End file.
